Trapped Under Ice

Locknar's Story so far

The wolfen yokel and the coyle crook jauntily strolled through the forest. it was a crisp late spring morning and a gentle blanket of snow covered the ground.

The merry band of two sang songs and skipped along the the path. Finding themselves lost, the coyle crook climbed a tree. It took him a couple tries, but climb the mighty oak he did, and once at the top, scanned the forest looking for a landmark. Seeing none, he clambered down the oak and the two friends continued gaily skipping and enjoying the beauty of the forest.

Hearing roaring laughter and frightened screams in the distance, the two decided to investigate. Hiding behind some shrubbery, they felt a terrible vibration in the earth, and a sound, like low thunder, coming towards them. Suddenly, the sound stopped on the other side of the shrubs and what sounded like a downpour from an overturned bucket commenced.

The watery sound stopped and the vibration and thunder resumed, only this time, traveling away from the two compatriots.

Deciding to investigate further, the wolfen shaman and the coyle crook crept past the shrubs and stepped into a large puddle of warm, wet, mud. Unfortunately, after making the observation that the puddle was full of yellow water, they realized they had been soiled by a most obnoxious creature.

Prowling on, the heroes came upon a clearing and witness a terrifying sight!

Two Frost Giants were tossing small, screaming, suits of full plate armor across the clearing. Their goal; to knock down ten pins set up on the other side. Speaking of the other side, there were two more Frost Giants there to reset the pins and collect the small, screaming, squirming suits of armor.

Nearby, tied to a tree, a group of small men shivered in the cold; most wearing nothing but their underclothes. These tiny beings obviously need the help of our heroes!

Formulating a quick plan, the two comrades strode bravely into the clearing and challenged the mighty giants to a game of wits!

Using the most basic of math skills and the giants own in-born stupidity against them, the wolfen and coyle managed to trick the giants by promising them even more of the tiny dwarves. Being greedy by nature, the frost giants quickly succumbed to the plan. Helping speed the giant’s greedy minds was the fact that dwarves are exceedingly rare in this day and age.

The young wolfen shaman further embarrassed the giants by making them believe that dwarves were infesting the countryside, causing the giants to scramble into the woods on a wild goose chase!

Thus, the wolfen and coyle, saved a dozen dwarven warriors from their tormentors, thus gaining valuable allies whose value would be seen far in the future.

But that’s not all! Not only was the Dwarven delegation to the Kobold Kingdom of the northlands saved from certain death, but much of their equipment was as well! The two heroes were richly rewarded with fine dwarven steel and continued traveling with their new companions until the next leg of their incredible adventure…

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What he meant to say...
"Growler post"

The Growler here, a.k.a. shaman dude, and I gotta say dats about how da’ shit went down. And man were dem little midget bastards were blue. It was cold as hell out and those poor turds were naked and shit. Again me an my dawg don’t roll like that so we got dem shorties da fuck out and warmed the fuck up.

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Frost Giants iz stoopid

Yo dawg, Caninia here, we totally took dem frost bitches for a spin y’all! It wen down like this yo:

First we wuz in a forest n shit, en like I got all lumberjacky and climbed a tree. That sucker was like 100 ft tall dawg, furreal! I got all the way up to the top an was like “Damn, I can see my house from here, shit!” But for real, that shit started to chafe so I all got my tail down that muthafucka.

So we’s walkin’, me an this wizard shaman dude, just a couple of dawgs on the prowl, lookin’ fer bitches and dolla bills yo. So then we start hearin’ some freak scream and then it sounds like some big fat muthafucka starts laughin. And it keeps goin’ on like that for awhile right. So we all get down on all fours and start doin’ some fuckin’ Mission Impossible shit right. Damn that shit was tight! Then I’ll never forget the look on my dude’s face, we walked right into a muthafuckin’ lake of pee. That shit was everywhere, we was up to our goddamn knees in that shit. Can you believe that, somebody dumped their piss out in the middle of the forest. That’s not how I roll yo. I need me a fire hydrant or at least a damn tree or somethin’.

So check this: we get to a clearing, an we find 4 of these big fat giant fucks, and they’re holdin these suits of armor yo, like real full plate shit. And they’re tossin’ these things back n forth at some damn bowling pins. Those things was like tree trunks, I ain’t lyin’! An the suits of armor got people in em And the bitches got some people tied up to a tree. Some small muthatfuckas or somethin. I said they were goblins and was about to split the fuck outta there, but shaman dudes’ all like “They’re fuckin’ midgets yo!” So I’m like “Shit.”

Long story short: we pull out some fuckin’ math olympiad shit on these frost giant crackheads. Muthafuckas must have snow for brains cuz they can’t mathematize for shit! We’re all sneakin’ off with dwarves and doubling back and giving these dopes the runaround. Then, when we got the dwarves outta there, we set the bitches camp on fire and haul our fuckin’ tails the fuck out of Dodge. So now we’re chillin’ wit ‘dese dwarven bitches and they offer our broke asses a job. So now me and shaman dude are all like bouncers and shit now. It’s like some Who Let the Dawgs out shit up in here furreal. Peace yo, check ya later. The Dawg Pack is in full effect!

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